"Hi, my name's Flick" "Hiii Fliiick"

Just to state the obvious; I'm not the brightest crayon in the box. I don’t see how a drink can alter your state of mind so much. But at the end of the day, quite literally, I don't care how it happens; all I know is that by drinking I end up showing some sort of emotion, well at least lately.

Weather this makes me sound like an alcoholic in the making or not; I drink because it makes me happy. I drink because I can dance in front of people and not give two shits about how I look. I drink because I can sing in my tone-deaf voice and not care at all about how terrible I sound. I drink because everything is so much funnier. I drink because I don't take notice of things and I don't over analyse things. I drink because it makes me like songs that I don't like when I'm sober. I drink because everything’s so much more interesting. I drink because I don't care about anything that happened when I was sober. I drink to escape reality. I drink because from a young age, I saw that it helps and then a few years later learned that it does.

I enjoy the altered state of reality. Everything has less meaning. I have even less shame than I normally do anyways. It doesn't matter what I look like or what I do. Nothing really matters when I have a drink in hand. All I really seem to care about is what songs plating, how I'm going to dance, how fast I can down my drink or how much my cheeks hurt from grinning ear to ear.

When I was about 8, I saw a woman spiralling down and down. I then saw her find a friend in the bottle. It used to annoy me, I guess because I just didn't understand. I used to hate seeing her not being able to get words out and be frustrated, yet still have a smirk on her face, and that over glazed look in her half shut eyes. I hadn't destroyed any of my brain cells back then, and could see she was happier when she could live in her head. But I never understood why.

I was 14 and a few months the first time I ever got drunk. I turned to it because I was celebrating, and because life was close to perfect. The next time, I was doing belly shots and stumbling down stairs, the only other thing I remember from that night was the countless amount of laughs, and listening to Outkast.

Its almost like I've attached good memories to being drunk.

I can only recall one occasion when I was upset and drunk. Every other time, I have drunk and become the happiest girl in the world. This is probably leading me on the road to self-destruction. And weather or not its the state I'm in right now; I'm not phased one bit.

I don't drink for the attention. I don't drink to be sad. I don't drink to wallow in my own self-pity. I do it to escape from reality, and I want nothing at all to bring me back to it when I'm like that. I don't want to listen to songs with horrible memories attached to them, I want to listen to techno, or maybe some electro, and dance and dance and dance.

I like the room spinning, I like the fuzzy lines. I like the comic side to everything; I like laughing till I'm curled up in a ball in the corner of the room crying from laughter and the pain of my stomach. I like all of it probably too much.

I don't like crying from sadness when I'm drunk, not one bit. I don't like crying in general really. I don't like being brought back to the real world when I've just spent the last hour or so escaping it. I don't like many things when I'm drunk actually.

I guess for now, as long as I have anything but wine and brown spirits in my hand, you'll get a reaction out of me. I guess for now, I'm too dependent on a liquid just to help me get through the day.